Thursday 5 January 2012

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Coming back from a partnership agreement that two of my friends signed here in Holland, the male friend joked how he would have to pay the fine for his (now) official partner, if she was caught in some misconduct by the police. As such lamenting over the fact that as legal partners in Holland, they are no more independent individuals and that the girl could from then onwards always demand responsibility and share in her partner’s properties and assets. I do not know the details of the contract to know whether it works equally in the opposite direction as well, but that is not my concern and therefore I will not dwell on that.

Women related issues, in today’s world, form a major part of our usual discussions, and yet lots of work still needs to be done in eradicating the injustice that is perpetrated against them, not just in the developing world but also in the much more civilized and developed world of the west. Despite there being a judicial system that encourages and protects women to come out in the open with their complaints and a society that has come way beyond the typical stereotypes associated with women abuse and torture of any kind, the fact remains that anywhere in the world more women get raped or tortured and beaten than men. True that in the west such cases get reported more often with probably even punishments meted out at a much faster rate. But the number of such incidents in comparison to incidents of a reverse nature still remains very high. And that reminds me of a recent discussion with some Pakistani friends on the nature of equality and similarity between men and women.

The discussion started with me lamenting over the fact that some Dutch male colleagues did not offer a chair to a couple of us females during a one hour long meeting where seating arrangement was not adequate. Though not a very strong argument in favor of men-women dissimilarity, especially when seen in the context of the irony that a female professional brings to an engineering company, the one hour long fatigue (and boredom!) was good enough for me to pass a judgment. Despite being a person who has often rebelled against the traditional mindset in Pakistan to be given permission to run marathons, go to engineering college, participate in political and social activities AND also gone as far as rebel against one’s own female self to cycle in snow or walk 3 hours while fasting, THAT day provided me with a new insight. Seeing “strong” men seated while two women stood throughout the duration of that one hour long meeting, made me realize the inherent dissimilarities between the two genders. And I wondered how they could not, since just a few days earlier my Dutch supervisor while explaining to me the concept of marriage ceremonies in Holland, told me how the bride walks on the right side of the groom till the altar and after proclamation of marriage, the bride changes position to the left of the husband, signifying the authority of the man over the woman and the new family.

And though my Pakistani friends maintained that women could do just anything, or at least what men could, I insisted and still maintain that that is not true. True that, tasks considered impossible for women a few centuries ago are now being carried out with quite a lot of ease by women. That reasoning, HOWEVER,  is akin to using a false presumption. Women were NOT ALLOWED to explore the tasks they were allowed to later and therefore today one sees them in almost every field. It is not because they have, somehow, evolved over time and become equal “physically” and physiologically” to men. It is the challenges of today, not those of yesterday that will judge a women’s true prowess.  And today’s challenges show that women in engineering companies or colleges are not common and neither is their presence in car racing or extreme sports. True that the world has stopped raising its fingers at any such endeavor, but that has nothing to do with issue of equality anyways. That has to do with a systematic understanding of the potential of the two genders, not just by men but by women themselves as well.

For those who seem to look at just the apparent “evolution” of women over time, there is something that has stayed static over time. And that is the fact that ONLY women can give birth. The phenomenon changes the whole dimension with which the comparison between men and women is looked at. The process of reproduction in itself, with all other supporting biological processes, is not a mere scientific way women have been made; but rather has a more deep psychological meaning to the person a woman is. However strong a woman might seem physically and emotionally, inside she is still a woman tied to her biological and physiological roots; which she fortunately/ unfortunately cannot escape. This, however, has nothing to do with her intelligence, (though it is said that baby girls talk sooner than baby boys) in the literal sense of the word or the way it is used usually. It is no surprise therefore, I explained to my friends that day that an infant is more often entrusted to the mother than the father in cases of forced or unforced separations.  And it is also why mothers are more comfortable shopping for even male infants than fathers (something I noticed on a shopping trip to a local store in Holland).

The feminists of today seem to neglect or simplify the notion of motherhood and limit it to just the literal sense of the word. Men, on the other hand, use that as an excuse to subjugate women and term them weak.  Why not celebrate and rejoice in the great gift that God has given to women and understand the psychological and physiological demands of that great task God has entrusted to women alone? Why not rejoice in the emotional strength and nurturing quality God has given to women as a result of the responsibility of motherhood? And why not revel in the dissimilarity instead of using it as a means of confrontation?

Why not understand that men and women are two dissimilar beings made by God to work in harmony, and not necessarily compete with each other? Why not accept the different roles that each has, and tailor ourselves according to that? Why should we as women compete with men? Why strive to become like “them”?  Let us stop this race, before it destroys the peace of our societies.

And as a refresher, to elevate our feminine self let us, from now onwards, start with saying “Men are not equal to Women…(and end with)….

..But women are also not equal to men”…=)

Happy Reading.

-Aisha