Where are we headed to?

I could not sleep much last night. Most of the time I was tossing and turning and my brain just refused to zone out. Twice I had to get up and go to the wash room thinking I was going to get sick.

And no. It was not because I was under any stress except the usual study-related problems. It was because right before going to bed, I had made the mistake of reading e-tribune’s story on Domestic Violence Bill reaching a deadlock in a joint sitting of the parliament. The current status is that JUI-F and even PML(N) are advocating against it and Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman has vowed that he will fight tooth and nail against the bill that protects women and children from getting beaten up. Infact his exact words during the session were “Western culture cannot be promoted under the pretext of protection in Islamic states”, which indirectly means that beating up women is an eastern and Islamic culture and quite acceptable to us.

Let me tell you a very simple thing first. Why do we consider stealing or robbing someone a crime? On a human level, we consider it a moral and legal crime because we are violating another person’s rights and are harming him or her. We have been taught by our parents and then in schools that stealing is wrong. It is a criminal act and has adequate punishment. On a religious level, we are told that our Prophet (PBUH) condemned this act so much that he even said that he wouldn’t hesitate to cut-off his own daughter’s hand if she was found stealing. So, because we grew up with these things being taught to us, today most of us civilized people do not rob anyone, no matter how needy we are. Those who do eventually get punished one way or another.

I never had much hope from this Domestic Violence Bill, to put it in plain words. Reason being our society and its male-dominated environment would make sure such laws are never implemented in their true spirit. There are men who would favor this law but then they are in relative minority or atleast they are not in the parliament so it does not make much difference at this moment whether we have this law or not.

Having said that, there is one thing that I had been hopeful about. Even if such women protection laws do not get implemented in my or your life time, atleast our future generations will grow up being taught that it is wrong and a criminal act to beat up anyone, be it outside or inside of home.  This is how all moral sins and legal laws have been systematically ingrained in our brains. If a boy grows up thinking beating up his wife will be criminally punishable, he is less likely to do it when he gets married.

On a human level, we all know domestic violence is wrong. What strikes me the most is that the opposition to this bill comes from the religious right or let me say so-called religious right and they use Islam to justify the violence. And no matter how many times do I read the Quran or listen to scholars discussing the rights of women, I have never come across anything that allows men to harm their wives in any way. It is beyond me how people like Fazl-ur-Rehman, Khawaja Saad Rafique and even some women parliamentarians would claim such a thing and to my astonishment, there are people who actually think they are right and are protesting against this bill ! My only question to these mis-guided people is: Why is sunnah limited to having a beard only and not seeing the way Prophet (PBUH) treated his wives? This again brings me to the point that why do we even need to use Islam to justify such inhumane thinking when we know that in our religion nothing is against nature. How could someone even think that Allah (SWT) would ever allow his fairer creation be violently treated in something as sacred as marriage? It does not make sense to me.

I think I am too shocked right now and my belief in humanity is slowly fading away. Someone asked me a few days ago that why do women need separate laws and special treatment for themselves? My answer was very simple. Women NEED special treatment and their rights have to be defined and written because unlike men, their rights are not given to them on a plate. They always have to ASK to be treated as humans. They always have to ASK men not to beat or harass them. Otherwise it is considered NORMAL treatment.

I never call myself a feminist because I’m still struggling for women to get basic human rights; Equal rights are too far off an idea to spend my energy on. But this recent news has made me fear for the future of thousands of women and children. How can we bring up our daughters in a world like? If we shelf this bill now, not only women will no longer be protected; but also domestic violence will be seen as something legal and allowed which will encourage the abusive men even more.

And for those who are confused about Islam and domestic violence, try doing your own research for once , instead of listening to Mullahs who get votes in the name of Islam. It should be unnecessary to get defensive about such a logical issue but since it looks like some of the parliamentarians are bent on defaming Islam, I as a muslim feel appalled and consider it my duty to point out what Allah (SWT) and his beloved Prophet (PBUH) actually say about women rights.

1. Sabr is Not Suffering in Silence - Webinar (Yasmin Mogahed)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mzFJikLyG8

2. Removing the Silence on Domestic Violence by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDEKJDgXO-U

Here is the link to the bill itself that i found on the national assembly website.
http://www.na.gov.pk/uploads/documents/1302132729_698.pdf 


Please try to find out for yourself where this bill is unIslamic and how could it promote westernized thinking as per JUI-F's tantrum in the parliament.

My apologies if I sounded like ranting. I needed to get it out of my system.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Coming back from a partnership agreement that two of my friends signed here in Holland, the male friend joked how he would have to pay the fine for his (now) official partner, if she was caught in some misconduct by the police. As such lamenting over the fact that as legal partners in Holland, they are no more independent individuals and that the girl could from then onwards always demand responsibility and share in her partner’s properties and assets. I do not know the details of the contract to know whether it works equally in the opposite direction as well, but that is not my concern and therefore I will not dwell on that.

Women related issues, in today’s world, form a major part of our usual discussions, and yet lots of work still needs to be done in eradicating the injustice that is perpetrated against them, not just in the developing world but also in the much more civilized and developed world of the west. Despite there being a judicial system that encourages and protects women to come out in the open with their complaints and a society that has come way beyond the typical stereotypes associated with women abuse and torture of any kind, the fact remains that anywhere in the world more women get raped or tortured and beaten than men. True that in the west such cases get reported more often with probably even punishments meted out at a much faster rate. But the number of such incidents in comparison to incidents of a reverse nature still remains very high. And that reminds me of a recent discussion with some Pakistani friends on the nature of equality and similarity between men and women.

The discussion started with me lamenting over the fact that some Dutch male colleagues did not offer a chair to a couple of us females during a one hour long meeting where seating arrangement was not adequate. Though not a very strong argument in favor of men-women dissimilarity, especially when seen in the context of the irony that a female professional brings to an engineering company, the one hour long fatigue (and boredom!) was good enough for me to pass a judgment. Despite being a person who has often rebelled against the traditional mindset in Pakistan to be given permission to run marathons, go to engineering college, participate in political and social activities AND also gone as far as rebel against one’s own female self to cycle in snow or walk 3 hours while fasting, THAT day provided me with a new insight. Seeing “strong” men seated while two women stood throughout the duration of that one hour long meeting, made me realize the inherent dissimilarities between the two genders. And I wondered how they could not, since just a few days earlier my Dutch supervisor while explaining to me the concept of marriage ceremonies in Holland, told me how the bride walks on the right side of the groom till the altar and after proclamation of marriage, the bride changes position to the left of the husband, signifying the authority of the man over the woman and the new family.

And though my Pakistani friends maintained that women could do just anything, or at least what men could, I insisted and still maintain that that is not true. True that, tasks considered impossible for women a few centuries ago are now being carried out with quite a lot of ease by women. That reasoning, HOWEVER,  is akin to using a false presumption. Women were NOT ALLOWED to explore the tasks they were allowed to later and therefore today one sees them in almost every field. It is not because they have, somehow, evolved over time and become equal “physically” and physiologically” to men. It is the challenges of today, not those of yesterday that will judge a women’s true prowess.  And today’s challenges show that women in engineering companies or colleges are not common and neither is their presence in car racing or extreme sports. True that the world has stopped raising its fingers at any such endeavor, but that has nothing to do with issue of equality anyways. That has to do with a systematic understanding of the potential of the two genders, not just by men but by women themselves as well.

For those who seem to look at just the apparent “evolution” of women over time, there is something that has stayed static over time. And that is the fact that ONLY women can give birth. The phenomenon changes the whole dimension with which the comparison between men and women is looked at. The process of reproduction in itself, with all other supporting biological processes, is not a mere scientific way women have been made; but rather has a more deep psychological meaning to the person a woman is. However strong a woman might seem physically and emotionally, inside she is still a woman tied to her biological and physiological roots; which she fortunately/ unfortunately cannot escape. This, however, has nothing to do with her intelligence, (though it is said that baby girls talk sooner than baby boys) in the literal sense of the word or the way it is used usually. It is no surprise therefore, I explained to my friends that day that an infant is more often entrusted to the mother than the father in cases of forced or unforced separations.  And it is also why mothers are more comfortable shopping for even male infants than fathers (something I noticed on a shopping trip to a local store in Holland).

The feminists of today seem to neglect or simplify the notion of motherhood and limit it to just the literal sense of the word. Men, on the other hand, use that as an excuse to subjugate women and term them weak.  Why not celebrate and rejoice in the great gift that God has given to women and understand the psychological and physiological demands of that great task God has entrusted to women alone? Why not rejoice in the emotional strength and nurturing quality God has given to women as a result of the responsibility of motherhood? And why not revel in the dissimilarity instead of using it as a means of confrontation?

Why not understand that men and women are two dissimilar beings made by God to work in harmony, and not necessarily compete with each other? Why not accept the different roles that each has, and tailor ourselves according to that? Why should we as women compete with men? Why strive to become like “them”?  Let us stop this race, before it destroys the peace of our societies.

And as a refresher, to elevate our feminine self let us, from now onwards, start with saying “Men are not equal to Women…(and end with)….

..But women are also not equal to men”…=)

Happy Reading.

-Aisha

FAQs that I come across in the Netherlands

As a Pakistani woman studying abroad, i come across people who are so intrigued to know about Pakistan and its women. Its actually very nice to explain to people where we come from and to clear their misconceptions. Ofcourse, I tend to find humor in everything and sometimes i just throw in a regular laugh to put the other person at ease. Following are some of the questions that i find most interesting and are regularly asked by my friends and colleagues here in the Netherlands.

Question	My standard answer	If pressed for a more detailed answer
Are you an Indian?	No, Im from Pakistan.	Cant you see that we are different?
But how did your family allow you to live abroad alone if you are from a muslim country?	Well, women are allowed to study abroad or wherever they want to by our religion. If someone is not allowed, that is because of family traditions.	We can always throw a tantrum if we are not given permission ! Simple.
Why don’t you wear a head scarf? All muslim women do.	Well, my religion teaches me a lot of other things that I follow, which I think are more important than just covering your head.	Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t and I don’t know why, but that is just the way I am !
Are all women suppressed?	No. All women are not suppressed. If they are, that’s more because of our culture than religion.	Do I look like im suppressed?
How many Talibans do you know about?	None, atleast none in my daily life.	None. I wish they could come and see Pakistan and realize what a lively country we have.
Is there a war on streets in Pakistan?	No, not at all. Life is normal.	Except maybe inside a house. Haha !
Do all men have four wives?	No, most men have only one.	I think one wife is quite a handful – but if someone wants to go bald………
How come with your education and family background, you are having an arranged marriage?	Well, in our society, arranged marriages are safer and more reliable than love marriages.	Yes, arranged marriage – Arranged by “ME” – Haha !
Do you live independently or with your parents in Pakistan?	Currently with parents, future with husband.	If I tell my parents that I want to live separately, they will think im nuts or mad at them for something ! Have to ask future husband yet if he can tolerate me in the same house. :D
Why don’t you settle abroad?	Well, I have my scholarship bond and I want to go back to serve my country.	Your country is nice and I love it but I cant help myself when it comes to my heart that lies in Pakistan !